The Salty Guide to FFXIV Healing in 5 Minutes or Less



welcome, soldier. you wanna heal in ffxiv, huh? well, i’d ask for a physical and mental examination to make absolutely sure, but i really need healer to stop being in need so i can flex my tank privilege all over everyone else, so please, go right ahead.

here’s what’s waiting for you in the rewarding, WONDERFUL world of sage, scholar, astrologian, and the best of all: white mage. rather than telling you what to do like tons of other guides have (pls check out ffxivmomo’s guide for real advice btw), i’m just gonna prepare you mentally. after all, knowing is half the battle. AND OH. do i know. as you will know. as we ALL know, for those of us who level every job to 90.

i have socials btw

twitter.com/LucyPyre_
twitch.tv/lucypyre

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47 thoughts on “The Salty Guide to FFXIV Healing in 5 Minutes or Less”

  1. When a dps tells me to adjust, i do.
    I adjust his health to 0 and then i tbag his corpse. Put on your job stones too already (impossible challenge, i dont pay their sub) 😎

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  2. This is why I switched to GNB. My poor DRK may as well be cutting themselves.

    Then I switched to AST, and began to look at tanks with ire.

    It gave me a tanking complex.

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  3. I moved to a new datacenter and have been mainlining AST as my main healer type. Because apparently I like playing two games at once. But thanks to your guide I'll be now incorporating more booze into my rotation – thank you Lucy! <3

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  4. You know what one good thing we have going for us as Healers? Lack of mechanics in Savage. Worst case, you've got a healing check. The chances of having a mechanic tied to you that will kill your party if you fail that's not a heal check are super low. They exist but the vast majority of the time the party is going to bend over backwards to make sure it's easy for the healers to make it through I'm someone who doesn't really like raiding, but healing is perfect entry level due to a lack of things to do. Astro specifically can afford to basically not do damage as much so long as you're getting cards out, I've watched my group go from non-clears to clears because I'm on it.

    Healer role is basically free Savage content, next to nothing is your fault because it's so scripted unless you personally screw up a mechanic.

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  5. With this guide, I totally became a chad healer, my weight doubled from doing nothing, all my braincells died, and my index and major fingers have 40 pounds of muscles now from pressing the same two buttons for days at a time. I stack up commendations even if I do nothing and I proudly display my burger king crown for all to see. Thank you Lucy! Truly a success on the level of reddit mods.

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  6. Like they always said, Healers hamper a lot of darkness, and darkness cause by negative emotion. With enough negative emotion, they will become Chaos!

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  7. Big fan of this. I main white mage because I play don't care about myself and I have fun praying everyone doesn't die or make me useless with self heal. Still I do it. I don't know why. help. Please. LET ME OUT!

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  8. just did a Twinning run for the first time in forever and it was one of the best healer experiences i've had in a long time (exception being my first time through EW content but that oculd have just been the novelty) as it was a first timer tank (DRK no less) the party somehow had the first boss hit ALL the tanks for all the behemoths, the second boss AoE's hit atleast two members almost every time, and the tank couldnt figure out the time stop on the third boss lasers for the life of him and i was dragging the poor sod across the room with rescue more times than i usually use it to fck with the black mages in my FC (oh i see that flare cast, get over here and out of your lines please) still no wipes. one samurai death. i stretched that lvl80 scholar kit to the limits keeping their asses alive in the behemoth horde while smacking that floor to the beat. i swear the samurai was on double digit health more times than they spammed madare. was fantastic.
    then i had a smileton run with a WAR and i legit said "should i jsut sit and nap at the entrance?" they replied "yeah" so i did. no deaths there either. did see the BLM's health go below half a few times though, which is normal for all runs i suppose.

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  9. The other reason people choose White Mage: Conjurer was literally the only healing option when you started, you didn't know about the Scholar/Summoner split until you hit Stormblood, and you had developed a case of Job Stockholm syndrome after going through all of ARR and post-ARR as a White Mage. Then you had a power high in Shadowbringers and the Stockholm syndrome you mistakenly call "Job Loyalty" is somehow ruling you through EW even though Sage's Addersgall is literally "Lilies, but better". Sincerely, a Salt Mage main.

    Seriously though, it's gotten to the point I cry in relief when I get a DRK in my expert Roulette, because it means I can finally actually use my buttons other than Glare, Dia, and Holy. Hell I don't even need to use Regen on a WAR 9 times out of 10.

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  10. Great vid but in all seriousness it’s like they’re not sure themselves on what to do with healers. They don’t want to add more attacks cause that will pressure the causals but they also don’t want to increase where causals can’t do it.

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  11. I main SGE now and I love seeing warriors in dungeons because it means I can fulfill my true calling: Green DPS.

    DRKs can go die in a ditch i don't have enough addersgall for all that edge

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  12. all my healer jobs are at lvl 1 thru 10 and im afraid to pick any of them up at this point. also i've def seen ur character around i think. its hard to tell when all male viera have 4 government mandated hairstyles to pick from

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  13. I really like play Sage, so it holds up the healer role for me while simultaneously giving me hope that they will take what they learned while designing Sage and go further beyond in the next expansion. I don't think it's healthy for the game for healers to have "complex" DPS rotations or to do anywhere NEAR old Cleric Stance but I would love to see more and more skills added to both heal and do DPS or that compensate your healing GCDs in the form of a free damage GCD like the Toxicon system. If they simply expand upon these sorts of ideas even more next expansion then I am hopeful that the role will move in a direction where people are slightly happier to play it in most content instead of just early progression and Ultimate raids.

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  14. Hey, I'll have you know when I went from White Mage to Astrologian I was totally happy just to have SOMETHING else to do other than spam holy or heal. 1 or 2. 2 or 1. Now! I get to play CARDS while I spam gravity or AOE regen heal!

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